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Post by Deleted on Nov 19, 2016 0:18:27 GMT
Do you consider you have unfinished business in your personal life
that you unwilling to let go of
or like me move on from one mistake to the next
in order not to regret...
in the certain knowledge that to hold on to same is rather futile
and by letting go you create a new beginning
and a far contented more productive place to be?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 19, 2016 20:55:54 GMT
David no sometimes I feel I have completed all my dreams and wishes over these last 58 years which worries my pdoc and myself no end...I could cheerfully let go of my ex as long as it was over a very large drop or out of a plane...lol...but karma intervened and he fell from a 2 storey scaffold while helping a mate...
I dream of setting up home with a companion but can't see that happening...I have become very set in my ways.
2 of my 3 children are settled, the third is his fathers carer.
I dream of a different house but love my little house and the great neighbourhood town I live in.
I miss a swimming pool no end but realistically the cost of just running it is out of my reach.
I could disappear tomorrow with no unfinished business, one day I will go and the children and grandchildren will go on.
I dont dream any more in the day but my night time ones are terror.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 20, 2016 22:48:20 GMT
I find what you share most refreshing
and admire how it came about.
By that, I mean your sheer determination to succeed
when those around were doubting your ability to do just that.
Including at times your Pdoc and you, yourself.
And when you do go, (which I trust is not for many years to come)
I feel you will live on through your children as I believe your parents do through you ! |
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Post by aquaticsoul on Nov 21, 2016 5:22:37 GMT
I have loads, I'll have to check in on this topic a bit later as I am on limited time this morning... i'll be back  |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2016 6:03:15 GMT
I look forward to your response Charne...
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2016 6:15:20 GMT
In the meanwhile between now and then
with what you are focusing on presently...
has none of the emotional battering and subsequent mental anguish
that has presented itself , not just in recent times, but more too frequently over many a year!
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Post by aquaticsoul on Nov 21, 2016 11:31:51 GMT
Hi David
It's mostly about veering off the path with the last relationship. Being able to walk away and not think of him anymore. The bitterness and closing the door for myself. Then of course the business of my father that I keep recalling more and more as of late and with vividness that makes me think he's still around. It's difficult to explain but I think of past memories of me visiting prior to him getting sick and I still hear his voice perfectly and his walk and mannerisms but it's as if I feel he is still here. I think I might be losing my mind.
Also, I need to start planning some form of future. Right now it's difficult because it's hard for me to see past just today. I've been stuck like this for a while and I'm getting irate with myself. Just the idea of planning anything immediately irritates me or gives me an aggressive response.
I think it is because everytime I plan something either for myself or with someone else, something always happens and nothing transpires. It feels futile and pointless. I might need to acknowledge that I might be a bit more depressed than I want to say. Perhaps I am avoiding everything really just so I wouldn't have to deal with all the pain as per usual.
I need to start bashing this out again and start dealing. I just get so damn angry about this last guy who made all these promises and now he's gone. Like every man I've ever had in my life.
Cue daddy issues/brother issues/death/mentors and lovers dying/men leaving. Either I am too needy or too detached. Even when I try things inbetween, i'm still messing it up because I make the wrong decisions.
Ok I am very frustrated today and dealing with a ridiculous amount of anxiety and I'm burnt out. I need leave and I can't have it and I'm hungry. I went to gym earlier hoping it will improve things. I guess i'm a little less blue but I'm still agitated. I need to start closing off my unfinished business....
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2016 23:09:51 GMT
Thank you for sharing further what you have Charne
as I said to Sue I do believe letting out our hurt, our grief
cathartic.
What you say about you Dad, no I do not consider what you say
a symptom of losing the plot, if anything I consider it a helpful tool to recovery..
You loved your Father dearly and were in despair when his life ended.
The fact He is no longer with you in person, doesn't mean you can't turn to
your precious memories of him as a your continuing tower of strength.
In fact I go as far as to say an asset, for He was one person you could rely on for sustenance.
The fact he is not with you in person, doesn't mean you cannot continue to rely on him
as a eternal presence.
Something I have shared before now in My Therapy...
When I needed strength, to deal with a deep personal problem
I would imagine myself as someone that inspired me greatly
alive or dead...
and deal with the situation as though I were him or her...
gender didn't come in to it.
I selected the best person (man or woman) to act as a third party in my mind.
Because of my vivid imagination , I would become that person, albeit temporarily
to help me resolve the seriousness of what I was going on that the time.
What I am trying to get across is my introducing a third party
I no longer felt alone. And as a result became more objective than subjective
which helped me enormously, in whatever it was that was causing me grief.
Just a thought, on how I made an ordeal less painful, David x
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2016 23:39:33 GMT
PS., To go a little further, if I may...
I would consult , 'this third party'
in my head...
someone I had chosen
to confide in because of their
potential problem solving
and ask them..
via my imagination
on aspects of what I was going through...
and although at times I was at odds with their conclusion
their answer was invariably more postive than mine!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2016 23:52:58 GMT
PPS., Some who read this may thing I am being delusional
I would refute such an allegation,
for I always chose a real person
who inspired me ...
Sometimes a 'celebrity'
sometimes a politician
a doctor or a friend.
Who i chose depended on
what I was faced with at
any given time ..
and who at that time
I considered the most suitable
to deal with same.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2016 0:08:53 GMT
I am posting this link for you may like to read same Hopefully it is more of a help than a hindrance
as to the seriousness as what you are going through at this very challenging time Charne.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2016 0:23:47 GMT
'Reality leaves a lot to the imagination'...
and I tend to use it
to maximum affect
when it comes to facing up...
to what comes next
in my life
may be others should do likewise?
You have nothing to lose and
may gain plenty
from adopting such a strategy...
if they are capable of doing so! |
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Post by aquaticsoul on Nov 24, 2016 9:13:23 GMT
thank you for the wonderful feedback.
There is this new lady in our office who has become a friend. She has indulged my stories and asks so much about me. I want to trust but it is scary.
She plays saxophone and piano. She's 50. She's given me a pretty leather bracelet with words such as 'self control' 'love' 'gentleness' 'kindness' 'peace' on it...
she's somehow helping me come back to me. Calming my storm.
A lot of pressure with my sister coming back and she's in the same bad place i was in 9 years ago. I cannot help her for I get irritated and aggressive because she doesn't
listen or follow advice and her fiancee is getting tired of it.
I'm scared for the future but your advice about inspiration is definitely helpful. I'll be doing some reading work to try and find that inspirational person that I can look up to
because I have no one right now. Bar the wisdom and kindness of others such as yourself and this new friend.
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Post by aquaticsoul on Nov 24, 2016 9:25:34 GMT
by the way, thank you for the link to the piece on why heartbreak is bad for you...i'm literally on every single point listed - and forcing myself to still go to gym
and as a usual binge eater, I find myself not eating still. or restricting harshly. which doesn't bode well for when I decide to have a glass of wine.
now i'm steering clear of alcohol (BEST DECISION YET) though I miss my whiskey when listening to Miles Davis' Blue and Green while it rains outside.
For the first time, I don't want to indulge a man physically (my old self) or try and find someone else to get over this one.
I find myself just wanting to be by myself. Every one is overwhelming me. As a true introvert (INFJ) I think this is the best remedy, except I need to paint or make music
instead of watching series which just sucks out my soul. I can only try an avoid emotion for that long until my brain cells start to die.
So I'll be painting this weekend. Or perhaps even tonight if I have the energy. AS I am really tired most of the time.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2016 21:19:59 GMT
Thank you for your feedback and kind acknowledgement Charne I can't help but believe you will get back to a better place for as I have said several times before now for you have had a great amount to deal with over the years, losing your only Brother John , so tragically young your Dad more recently and somewhere in between a miscarriage, and to a lesser extent (in terms of the significance of family and friendship bereavement), not been allowed to remain in the UK. Which was your fervent wish at the time.
However, you have managed albeit with difficulty, to remain stoic , by that I mean in charge of your sanity, even if only by a hairs breadth at times.
I therefore continue to be optimistic , as a result of your survivor credentials. Along with Sue who has has a similar amount of heartache.
That does not mean that I don't consider you have been through a great deal of mental anguish for far to long. I go as far as to say more than some experience in a life time, if, as must be included, the heartache you have suffered in your more intimate love relationships. to get a more comprehensive picture as to the extent of what you have been through, in total.
Hopefully, this cannot go on much longer, in that like a storm, it will eventually subside and a more calmer (mental) environment will follow.
I sincerely trust that, that be the case .
Yours as ever, in love and admiration, David x |
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