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Post by thatright on Mar 6, 2018 0:47:02 GMT
He explained that he found the text message difficult and as he was at work when he received it. If it had been at home, he would have accepted it more. But he finds when I give him compliments - he finds it difficult as his not that way i.e receiving compliments. He apologised for not being honest but he tried to avoid confrontation and felt it would have given a bad reaction. Despite lying to my face which gave a bigger reaction.
We sat down and talked to each other. In a nutshell, he admitted he finds intimacy and personal relationships difficult. He admitted that as we work and hang out together and have a good laugh and good times. He explained he doesn't feel quite the same way as I do by loving me. But admitted it could progress in time. I admitted that I wished I didn't love him as it would make it easier to walk away especially the first time he hurt me. But as I love him - I'm the one getting hurt.
He has loved someone in the past and has had friendships where he has wanted more to progress in the past. But his scared to get close to someone in case he gets hurt. He is afraid of getting close to someone.
Although he informed he wants to give things another go and wants to be in a relationship with me.
I explained that there is no going back for me. Because if we were to give it another go - nothing would change. He needs to deal with his intimacy issues. Because I am not going to allow myself to get hurt anymore. I've had enough. I made it clear of my own expectations and he admitted he doesn't know what his expectations are.
I need space. Time away from him. I now want to focus on getting better and to make a fresh start.
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Post by David on Mar 6, 2018 3:29:53 GMT
"I explained that there is no going back for me. Because if we were to give it another go - nothing would change. He needs to deal with his intimacy issues. Because I am not going to allow myself to get hurt anymore. I've had enough. I made it clear of my own expectations and he admitted he doesn't know what his expectations are.
I need space. Time away from him. I now want to focus on getting better and to make a fresh start."
Nice One Becky!
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Post by David on Mar 6, 2018 10:25:53 GMT
 A gentle reminder... |
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Post by thatright on Mar 6, 2018 11:27:27 GMT
It's really come to my attention that M was investigated in the past for poor performance in work.
A long list of things that management had discussed and he failed to do.
Then an investigation took place.
I realise with these and other long list of issues. How can I expect him to be in a relationship when he can't even commit to his job without struggling.
These are deep issues and I should walk away.
Even to be a friend - this is a lot.
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Post by David on Mar 6, 2018 12:23:10 GMT
"I realise with these and other long list of issues. How can I expect him to be in a relationship when he can't even commit to his job without struggling.
These are deep issues and I should walk away.
Even to be a friend - this is a lot."
A lot to take on even for some one well balanced...
never mind someone who has their own personal issues to deal with !
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Post by David on Mar 6, 2018 12:26:46 GMT
Such unreliability obviously is not just down to personal relationships
but also in a work context, got me thinking, how is his mental health status...
an unfair question for you may not really know.
I say that for you did say earlier he takes medication .. what is that for?
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Post by David on Mar 6, 2018 12:33:03 GMT
You do not have to answer to my probing...
however it is not as though we can identify him.
Just trying to build up picture/profile re his behaviour.
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Post by thatright on Mar 6, 2018 12:33:12 GMT
Depression and anxiety.
But can that impact on personal relationships?
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Post by David on Mar 6, 2018 12:58:57 GMT
I suppose such a diagnosis...
could have a bearing on his 'erratic' behaviour.
In saying that it does not justify such insensitive actions!
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Post by David on Mar 6, 2018 13:12:34 GMT
I said what I did in my last post for I am diagnosed with the same
and I think you shared a some point that you had a similar diagnosis...
and we don't act that way.. do we?
If you had added with what he shared a personality disorder
which is generic in that it covers many aspects of a individuals psychology
than I would have said that's about right given the circumstances
re his anti social behaviour etcetera.
Purely my personal opinion of course !
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Post by David on Mar 6, 2018 13:23:29 GMT
A further thought and that's all it is thought...
How do you know that is his true diagnosis for as to have said
he as been known to tell lies .. I prefer to say economical with the truth lol.
Ae you aware of the names of the meds he takes?
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Post by thatright on Mar 6, 2018 13:50:39 GMT
He displays paranoid features and lack of trust of others.
Paranoid features I mean thinks people are watching his moves and thinks people are staring at him.
Not sure if that's the features of an introvert or social anxiety.
Takes Citalopram 20mg.
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Post by David on Mar 6, 2018 14:03:45 GMT
May be you should acquaint yourself with this article Becky... The first two paragraphs state the following ...
People with paranoid personality disorder are generally characterized by having a long-standing pattern of pervasive distrust and suspiciousness of others.
A person with paranoid personality disorder will nearly always believe that other people’s motives are suspect or even malevolent.
Individuals with this disorder assume that other people will exploit, harm, or deceive them, even if no evidence exists to support this expectation.
While it is fairly normal for everyone to have some degree of paranoia about certain situations in their lives
(such as worry about an impending set of layoffs at work), people with paranoid personality disorder take this to an extreme
— it pervades virtually every professional and personal relationship they have.
to read further... click on the link below....
psychcentral.com/disorders/paranoid-personality-disorder/ |
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Post by David on Mar 6, 2018 14:12:34 GMT
But please don't take it as absolute...
after all we are only playing a guessing game here
trying to get some reasoning as to what he's all about...
Nothing more than that, is intended or implied!
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Post by thatright on Mar 6, 2018 14:43:47 GMT
Seems to fit the bill especially as it can affect personal relationships.
I too have researched and thought on this before as well.
Thanks D x
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