Post by anonymous257 on May 8, 2020 21:55:28 GMT
hi. I wanted to stay Anonymous b/c I am about to talk about some serious stuff.
that stuff is incest, real wickedness, insulting the "Spirit". I am a born-again Christian; at least I used to b.
I believe the Holy Spirit has left me and I am condemned to Eternal Damnation.
(4 whoever reads these New Threads and decides if they r ok to print plz hear me out.
my testimony is about some real stuff that happened to me. this is not some "sheltered" Christian- uh I curse God's name
now I am going to Hell. this is not some of that "Simple-Minded" stuff that I think is an absolute joke. im talking about
"real" temptations here. have u ever been tempted? how far did u go? this will get ugly but plz don't erase this; I think
some1 out there needs to hear it.
my testimony starts out where I was joining the US Air Force in May 2015. my parents were living n a new house (a
temporary house it ended up being). but 1 night b4 I was to enter the Air Force, I was touching myself-thinking about
my cousin. my hot cousin (I know that is wrong but I did it anyway). while I was touching myself its like my heart
changed or "tempted" me to go farther or deeper into that evil desire. my heart made me start thinking about my own
sister. (I know that is messed up but it happened). I was tempted by my own heart. the Bible says "the heart is
deceitful above all else and w/o cure, who can know it". also, the Bible says that sin starts w/ desire and desire
begets sin and when sin is full grown it gives birth to death. or maybe Satan was tempting me. to this day I don't know.
but I gave into that desire b/c it felt so good (sick huh), but that's wat sin is, its a deceiving power or force that
deceives us. it tempts us to do something we know that we should not do. ..but yes I gave into the temptation, I gave
into that lust and enticement inside of my heart. throughout that year when i would touch myself i would think about my sister b/c
that is wat gave me the most pleasure. i "cherished" the iniquity n my heart. the Bible speaks on this: cherishing iniquity n ur
heart.
sometime that year when i was still n Service, 1 night i was touching myself again thinking of my sister when suddenly i started
thinking about my own mother. looking back, maybe that sin became full grown again at that point, gave birth to death.. n so i lusted
after my mother. this was strange b/c i never wanted this; i never n my life ever thought about this not once. i was foreign to it n was
innocent of it. also, my mom is not attractive; maybe i was thinking about the "idea" of being w/ my mother or a mother-figure.
but yes, so i was touching myself thinking about my mom. all of a sudden, i was lusting even more n wanted to go even deeper into
iniquity and my heart tempted me and deceived me. it was wat my heart wanted. looking back i know the Holy Spirit was n my heart, n
the most sacred part of my heart..thru the curtain.. n the Holy of Holies of my heart. so im there n the Holy Spirit was stopping me
from going even farther but at the same time my heart (i believe my "fleshly" heart was tempting me to go "all the way". at that time
something i was not even thinking about popped into my mind. looking back, i believe maybe the Devil did it. my mind said to me "Blasphemy
the Holy Spirit". i hadnt thought about that subject 4 some time but i knew about it.
so.. i said out loud to the Holy Spirit n my heart "Get out".. i said it again "Get out"..i think the 3rd time was the time i really meant
it b/c i confirmed it n my mind n my conscious. i think then i felt Him inside me move over to the left. right after that, the lust, power,
wickedness (it was like a craving-an instant gratification- ecstasy) flowed my heart. then, i climaxed while touching myself.
i know this all sounds very messed up n wrong n it was but the power of temptation n sin deceived me.
also, after i said "Get out" to the Spirit i also said blasphemies like "F*** u Holy Spirit". at this time i really didnt think i was
doing wrong b/c i did not believe the Bible that if u or me (me being a born-again Christian) would speak out blasphemies against the
Holy Spirit i would b condemned to Eternal Hell. i didnt believe the Bible. i was stupid-i know that now. wat i did was a huge deal.
God was not there 4 me- He did not "make it enter my mind" or did not help me thru His Spirit to stop when i said "Get out".
He did not n some way "tell me" wat i was giving up when i said "Get out". it really didnt even enter my mind- no conviction, nothing-
that i was giving up my Eternal Salvation 4 a little bit of intense gratification. now i believe n really most of the time know i am going
to Hell when i die. God didnt "tell me" wat i was giving up- seeing my mom n dad, my brother n sister n extended family ever again.
i would not see my beautiful, precious puppy dogs ever again after they die. i would b n Hell forever n isolation, completely alone n lonely,
cant talk to any1 n torment n some way, maybe being burned by fire. not seeing my family n my dogs again (even the 1s that died n the past)
completely n utterly breaks my heart. it breaks my heart into pieces. that would b Hell enough but i know i would probably b burning n tormented
forever n ever. "they will not have rest day or night forever n ever" the Bible says. also, after that night something really weird happened
to me. i was standing n line n "morning formation" (military) n instantly my entire body 4 a moment felt like it became "pure energy".
thats the only way i can describe it- from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet- felt like it became pure energy. right after that
i called my mom on the phone n told her wat happened n that i believed i will probably b bed-ridden or living n a psych hospital the rest
of my life. looking back, i think God maybe "officially" damned me at that moment (maybe b/c i was standing n ready to b judged).
also, from that moment forward i had a "Mental Illness/Disorder" (Scizophrenia- but at the time the doctor said i had Passive Aggressive
Disorder). so.. my stay (b4 i was Discharged) was very, very strange. i believe that God cursed me 4 wat i did. i believed crazy things like
i could "feel" other people's aura and energy; i could tempt people w/ my cursed aura; things like that. so now presently, i am on Meds to control
my Mental Illness.
sometimes i feel like there is a "presence" or "spirit" n my room communicating to my intuition. i just "know" wat he is communicating to me.
it could b God or it could b an evil spirit sent by God..anyway it really terrorizes me w/ the way it makes me feel. it makes me feel like i am
condemned to Hell forever n "the door of Hell is being shut n front of me n i know there is no way out forever." watever this presence is it shows
me this n my mind n by the way it makes me feel all over my body. also, it makes me feel my purpose is not yet done n this life. it makes me feel
that God has preordained something that i must do 4 Him. i sometimes think that God is communicating to me n different ways about my condemnation
n about me being the "Antichrist" of the prophetic books of the Bible. i think that i might b the "Antichrist" of the last days.
this is 1 thing the Bible says about the Antichrist- "he once was, now is not, and is going to his destruction". (i was once a born-again
Spirit-filled Christian, but now i am not, n i am heading to Eternal Punishment- b/c of wat i did.) again, if God was there that 1 night
n showed me wat i was actually doing n wat i was giving up (everything i love n hold dear); i absolutely would not have done it. God did not
help me n my time of need n weakness. the Bible says "the Holy Spirit is suppose to help us when we r weak" but He didnt. i dont think its
fair. recently, i was watching Benny Hinn on Youtube n the Anointing was coming thru the computer screen. i believe it showed me i had a "Heart
of Stone", a heart that all of us had at 1 point b4 we became born-again. i felt the Holy Spirit n me trying to get into my heart but my heart was
too hard, He couldnt get n. i think He was just trying to show me or prove a point-its to late 4 u-I cant get n n I dont want to get n; u had ur
shot. its too late now. also, a day later i saw w/ my spiritual eyes the "Wickedness" or "Sin" inside of me. i felt it- it was an enticing force
on the outside but i also "felt" the inside-i felt the ugly, deceitful, evil energy n it. it scared me-now i know i have wickedness "downloaded"
n me-it is there just sitting. i know i cant get into Heaven w/ something like this ugly thing inside of me. God will have to remove it-only if He
is willing ofcourse-but maybe He's not. it is n His hands.
i have all my life, since i was young, loved God and Jesus w/ all my heart, mind, and strength. i Acknowledged Him b4 i did anything n my life.
i thought He would always look out 4 me n would never forsake me but i was wrong. He did not help me. i would have "fought" that temptation
w/ everything n me if i really "understood" wat i was doing.
now, i can tell by my fruit that the Spirit is no longer n me. i have a real short temper- i have rage when im angry. i almost instantly blasphemy
God's or Jesus' name when i am angry or something doesnt go right. i hate people almost very easily-i dont have much love n my heart, etc.
im hoping this will help people (other Christians) see that their sin is not so bad. i have done the worst. it literally cost me my Salvation.
not even Murder would cost a man's Eternal Salvation. Righteous Christians, plz pray 4 me-that God will have Mercy 4 me 4 the things i did n
ignorance or not having "full" understanding about wat i was doing. Plz do not "Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit"-its not about wat u doing,
it is about Who u r doing it to..n thats y it is Unforgivable. Fear God..do not curse His 3rd Person. Thanks. God Bless.
that stuff is incest, real wickedness, insulting the "Spirit". I am a born-again Christian; at least I used to b.
I believe the Holy Spirit has left me and I am condemned to Eternal Damnation.
(4 whoever reads these New Threads and decides if they r ok to print plz hear me out.
my testimony is about some real stuff that happened to me. this is not some "sheltered" Christian- uh I curse God's name
now I am going to Hell. this is not some of that "Simple-Minded" stuff that I think is an absolute joke. im talking about
"real" temptations here. have u ever been tempted? how far did u go? this will get ugly but plz don't erase this; I think
some1 out there needs to hear it.
my testimony starts out where I was joining the US Air Force in May 2015. my parents were living n a new house (a
temporary house it ended up being). but 1 night b4 I was to enter the Air Force, I was touching myself-thinking about
my cousin. my hot cousin (I know that is wrong but I did it anyway). while I was touching myself its like my heart
changed or "tempted" me to go farther or deeper into that evil desire. my heart made me start thinking about my own
sister. (I know that is messed up but it happened). I was tempted by my own heart. the Bible says "the heart is
deceitful above all else and w/o cure, who can know it". also, the Bible says that sin starts w/ desire and desire
begets sin and when sin is full grown it gives birth to death. or maybe Satan was tempting me. to this day I don't know.
but I gave into that desire b/c it felt so good (sick huh), but that's wat sin is, its a deceiving power or force that
deceives us. it tempts us to do something we know that we should not do. ..but yes I gave into the temptation, I gave
into that lust and enticement inside of my heart. throughout that year when i would touch myself i would think about my sister b/c
that is wat gave me the most pleasure. i "cherished" the iniquity n my heart. the Bible speaks on this: cherishing iniquity n ur
heart.
sometime that year when i was still n Service, 1 night i was touching myself again thinking of my sister when suddenly i started
thinking about my own mother. looking back, maybe that sin became full grown again at that point, gave birth to death.. n so i lusted
after my mother. this was strange b/c i never wanted this; i never n my life ever thought about this not once. i was foreign to it n was
innocent of it. also, my mom is not attractive; maybe i was thinking about the "idea" of being w/ my mother or a mother-figure.
but yes, so i was touching myself thinking about my mom. all of a sudden, i was lusting even more n wanted to go even deeper into
iniquity and my heart tempted me and deceived me. it was wat my heart wanted. looking back i know the Holy Spirit was n my heart, n
the most sacred part of my heart..thru the curtain.. n the Holy of Holies of my heart. so im there n the Holy Spirit was stopping me
from going even farther but at the same time my heart (i believe my "fleshly" heart was tempting me to go "all the way". at that time
something i was not even thinking about popped into my mind. looking back, i believe maybe the Devil did it. my mind said to me "Blasphemy
the Holy Spirit". i hadnt thought about that subject 4 some time but i knew about it.
so.. i said out loud to the Holy Spirit n my heart "Get out".. i said it again "Get out"..i think the 3rd time was the time i really meant
it b/c i confirmed it n my mind n my conscious. i think then i felt Him inside me move over to the left. right after that, the lust, power,
wickedness (it was like a craving-an instant gratification- ecstasy) flowed my heart. then, i climaxed while touching myself.
i know this all sounds very messed up n wrong n it was but the power of temptation n sin deceived me.
also, after i said "Get out" to the Spirit i also said blasphemies like "F*** u Holy Spirit". at this time i really didnt think i was
doing wrong b/c i did not believe the Bible that if u or me (me being a born-again Christian) would speak out blasphemies against the
Holy Spirit i would b condemned to Eternal Hell. i didnt believe the Bible. i was stupid-i know that now. wat i did was a huge deal.
God was not there 4 me- He did not "make it enter my mind" or did not help me thru His Spirit to stop when i said "Get out".
He did not n some way "tell me" wat i was giving up when i said "Get out". it really didnt even enter my mind- no conviction, nothing-
that i was giving up my Eternal Salvation 4 a little bit of intense gratification. now i believe n really most of the time know i am going
to Hell when i die. God didnt "tell me" wat i was giving up- seeing my mom n dad, my brother n sister n extended family ever again.
i would not see my beautiful, precious puppy dogs ever again after they die. i would b n Hell forever n isolation, completely alone n lonely,
cant talk to any1 n torment n some way, maybe being burned by fire. not seeing my family n my dogs again (even the 1s that died n the past)
completely n utterly breaks my heart. it breaks my heart into pieces. that would b Hell enough but i know i would probably b burning n tormented
forever n ever. "they will not have rest day or night forever n ever" the Bible says. also, after that night something really weird happened
to me. i was standing n line n "morning formation" (military) n instantly my entire body 4 a moment felt like it became "pure energy".
thats the only way i can describe it- from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet- felt like it became pure energy. right after that
i called my mom on the phone n told her wat happened n that i believed i will probably b bed-ridden or living n a psych hospital the rest
of my life. looking back, i think God maybe "officially" damned me at that moment (maybe b/c i was standing n ready to b judged).
also, from that moment forward i had a "Mental Illness/Disorder" (Scizophrenia- but at the time the doctor said i had Passive Aggressive
Disorder). so.. my stay (b4 i was Discharged) was very, very strange. i believe that God cursed me 4 wat i did. i believed crazy things like
i could "feel" other people's aura and energy; i could tempt people w/ my cursed aura; things like that. so now presently, i am on Meds to control
my Mental Illness.
sometimes i feel like there is a "presence" or "spirit" n my room communicating to my intuition. i just "know" wat he is communicating to me.
it could b God or it could b an evil spirit sent by God..anyway it really terrorizes me w/ the way it makes me feel. it makes me feel like i am
condemned to Hell forever n "the door of Hell is being shut n front of me n i know there is no way out forever." watever this presence is it shows
me this n my mind n by the way it makes me feel all over my body. also, it makes me feel my purpose is not yet done n this life. it makes me feel
that God has preordained something that i must do 4 Him. i sometimes think that God is communicating to me n different ways about my condemnation
n about me being the "Antichrist" of the prophetic books of the Bible. i think that i might b the "Antichrist" of the last days.
this is 1 thing the Bible says about the Antichrist- "he once was, now is not, and is going to his destruction". (i was once a born-again
Spirit-filled Christian, but now i am not, n i am heading to Eternal Punishment- b/c of wat i did.) again, if God was there that 1 night
n showed me wat i was actually doing n wat i was giving up (everything i love n hold dear); i absolutely would not have done it. God did not
help me n my time of need n weakness. the Bible says "the Holy Spirit is suppose to help us when we r weak" but He didnt. i dont think its
fair. recently, i was watching Benny Hinn on Youtube n the Anointing was coming thru the computer screen. i believe it showed me i had a "Heart
of Stone", a heart that all of us had at 1 point b4 we became born-again. i felt the Holy Spirit n me trying to get into my heart but my heart was
too hard, He couldnt get n. i think He was just trying to show me or prove a point-its to late 4 u-I cant get n n I dont want to get n; u had ur
shot. its too late now. also, a day later i saw w/ my spiritual eyes the "Wickedness" or "Sin" inside of me. i felt it- it was an enticing force
on the outside but i also "felt" the inside-i felt the ugly, deceitful, evil energy n it. it scared me-now i know i have wickedness "downloaded"
n me-it is there just sitting. i know i cant get into Heaven w/ something like this ugly thing inside of me. God will have to remove it-only if He
is willing ofcourse-but maybe He's not. it is n His hands.
i have all my life, since i was young, loved God and Jesus w/ all my heart, mind, and strength. i Acknowledged Him b4 i did anything n my life.
i thought He would always look out 4 me n would never forsake me but i was wrong. He did not help me. i would have "fought" that temptation
w/ everything n me if i really "understood" wat i was doing.
now, i can tell by my fruit that the Spirit is no longer n me. i have a real short temper- i have rage when im angry. i almost instantly blasphemy
God's or Jesus' name when i am angry or something doesnt go right. i hate people almost very easily-i dont have much love n my heart, etc.
im hoping this will help people (other Christians) see that their sin is not so bad. i have done the worst. it literally cost me my Salvation.
not even Murder would cost a man's Eternal Salvation. Righteous Christians, plz pray 4 me-that God will have Mercy 4 me 4 the things i did n
ignorance or not having "full" understanding about wat i was doing. Plz do not "Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit"-its not about wat u doing,
it is about Who u r doing it to..n thats y it is Unforgivable. Fear God..do not curse His 3rd Person. Thanks. God Bless.
